


oh, and i'm the one that loves you

by profound_garden



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Arsenal FC, F/F, arsenal wfc - Freeform, mostly leah/jord dont come at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25555324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profound_garden/pseuds/profound_garden
Summary: Keira went on. “So before the gala, your only problem was that you’re in love with her. Now, in addition to that, every time you see Jord within two meters of DVD, your mind starts showing you pictures of them making out. Have I got this right?”“Full marks,” Leah grumbled.or,Daan and Jordan make a mistake, Leah learns what jealousy is, and everything works out as accidentally as it fell apart.
Relationships: Beth Mead/Danielle van de Donk, Leah Williamson/Jordan Nobbs
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	oh, and i'm the one that loves you

**Author's Note:**

> i truly can’t believe this isn’t like 20k words bc that’s what it fucking felt like. this thing was such a MF BITCH TO WRITE but worth it hopefully. like giving birth to an actual child. tried doing a little of leah's perspective, we'll see if it worked. no cheating lol we don't fuck w that here. title from maggie rogers "dog years." also this is in some blessed alternate timeline without a global pandemic so football was never cancelled and award galas still exist k? don't look too hard into it. enjoy xx

“Are they still looking?” Daan muttered to Jordan. The two were perched at the award gala’s bar, with Jordan angled just enough to discreetly keep an eye on the table where most of their teammates were sitting.

“Yeah,” Jordan replied, keeping her nose practically buried in Daan’s hair as she spoke into her ear. All she had been able to smell for the past half hour was the Dutchie’s floral shampoo. “Beth definitely keeps glancing over here. This better be worth it, they’ve just gotten some more food at the table. Looks like wings.”

She sighed wistfully. When Daan had first suggested that the two act like a couple in hopes of finally driving Beth to do something, Jordan had been hesitant. It wasn’t that she didn’t support Daan’s cause — Jordan was in no place to judge, anyway, considering the feelings she had been harboring for Leah for years. She just didn’t think the scheme was really necessary, since Beth was even more obvious with her feelings than Daan was, if her heart eyes and puppy dog demeanor around the Dutch woman were anything to go by. But after some plying, bribing, and borderline bullying, Jordan eventually agreed to cooperate.

“Stop whining,” Daan replied. “I’m still buying your drinks. Don’t act like I’m the only one getting something out of this.”

She raised her eyebrow pointedly, and Jordan wondered if she wasn’t just talking about the drinks. But their little act tonight hadn’t seemed to have any effect on Leah, who Jordan had also been quietly keeping an eye on, as always. The blonde had been downing drinks like a pro, and didn’t seem bothered in the least.

Jordan tried not to think too much into it. She herself actually hadn’t been drinking much all night, despite the opportunity. She just didn’t want to risk making a fool of herself tonight.

To avoid having to reply, she glanced over again at the table again — just in time to catch Beth’s red-rimmed eyes as she abruptly stood up and turned away from the bar.

“Oh, shit,” Jordan’s eyes widened slightly as she looked past Daan’s shoulder. “I think you’d better go check on your girl now.”

Turning quickly, Daan watched Beth’s back as she began walking quickly towards the door, not stopping once to look back at the two at the bar.

“Shite,” Daan swore, guilt apparent all over her face. “Did we go too far?” Jordan could sense how torn the Dutch woman was.

“Go,” she urged her. “Before it’s too late.” That was all Daan needed, before she peeled off from the bar to follow Beth’s path across the crowded ballroom.

Just seconds after she left, the bartender slid over the next round of shots the pair had ordered. Jordan sighed. Figuring her role was done for the night, she carried the tray over to the team table, where the only open spot was — of course — next to Leah, who barely looked at her when Jordan sat down.

Jordan tried to shrug off the unusually cold reception — usually, Leah would at least have a teasing smile or throw an arm around her — by quickly distributing the shots to her gleeful teammates. Only after both Jordan and Leah had downed their own portions did Leah finally speak, still not looking at Jordan.

“Beth’s really upset, you know. Whatever little stunt you were playing at with Daan, it wasn’t very nice. You know how Beth feels about her.”

Guilt bloomed instantly in Jordan’s chest, mixed with another feeling that she was dismayed to recognize as disappointment. Of course Leah hadn’t been jealous, as Jordan had unconsciously started to hope. She was purely upset on Beth’s behalf, as any good friend would be. Nothing more to it.

“It was Daan’s idea,” she mumbled. “She wanted to make Beth jealous.”

Leah scoffed. “Pretty stupid idea. Honestly, what did you two _think_ was going to happen?”

“Daan didn’t mean to let it get this far,” Jordan said weakly. “She just wanted Beth to make a move.”

“What, because Beth’s the only one allowed to do something? Daan better get her head out of her ass soon, ‘cause if I was Beth I would not be having this.”

Jordan blinked. “I’ve never seen you get jealous, Lee.”

There was a pause, before Leah turned to look directly at Jordan for the first time in the conversation, the dark look in her eyes tinged with something else — hurt? Before Jordan had time to process it, Leah stood stiffly.

“If you really believe that, you’re even more of an idiot than Daan,” she muttered, before grabbing her key card off the table. “I’m going back to my room.”

In contrast to her calm voice and stony coldness on her face, though, Leah’s first step away from the table was an unbalanced stumble. She was drunker than Jordan had thought, she realized — all the shots she had seen Leah toss back over the night seemed to finally be kicking in. Over the years Jordan had learned that alcohol tended to hit Leah in waves, with her motor senses going first, but her mental and speaking abilities holding on admirably longer.

Reflexively, Jordan immediately stood up, ducking her head under Leah’s shoulder and holding her waist to steady her.

“Hey, whoa there. I gotcha, love.” A few of their other teammates also stood up, concerned, but Jordan waved them off silently. _I’ve got her_.

At first, Leah tried to pull away, but quickly gave up when her swaying nearly caused her to bump into another table. Together, the two of them silently weaved through the thumping ballroom, dodging tables and dancing gala-goers alike. Jordan thanked God they didn’t bump into anyone they knew — she wasn’t sure she could deal with having to make polite small talk with some FA official at the moment.

Eventually, they made it outside, to the grand hall connecting the ballroom to the rest of the hotel. Jordan relaxed her grip on Leah’s waist, which she realized had gotten quite firm as she was trying to keep from losing the blonde in the crowd. Leah was still leaning on her, though, her head fitting perfectly as always on top of Jordan’s as they walked. Jordan wondered how they must look to the attendants and other guests — probably like any other couple stumbling their way back to their room. She shook the thought out of her mind. 

As they turned a corner, Jordan saw a flash of familiar dark hair. Daan and Beth were having a heated discussion in a side corner of the wide corridor, seemingly oblivious to the other guests walking through the space as they exchanged furious whispers and gesticulations. Jordan’s heart sank at the sight of a few tears slipping down Beth’s face, and was surprised to see Daan looking equally emotional as she pleaded with the blonde.

“Don’t be upset with her, Beff, it was all my idea. I never meant to hurt you…”

Jordan felt her ears burn as she quickly hurried Leah along, hoping not to hear any more of the private conversation. She quietly made a promise to talk to Beth tomorrow and apologize.

After what felt like hours, the two stood in front of Leah’s room, which they were both lucky she had remembered.

“Uh, Leah? The key?”

“Huh? Ohh, right…” Leah mumbled as she felt around for it. Jordan’s eyes widened as she realized Leah had tucked it into her bra, for lack of pockets in her slim-fitting dress, and the blonde was now reaching down her neckline… Jordan looked away as fast as possible, swallowing quickly and not taking her eyes off the carpet until she heard the door unlock.

Once inside, she realized Leah’s roommate wasn’t back yet — Katie, judging from the #15 on the bags strewn along half of the room. Katie, who Jordan distinctly remembered exiting early in the night with Ruesha. Katie, whose lips had seemed permanently attached to her girlfriend’s neck. They must’ve gone to Ruesha’s room, she realized.

By the time she had come to this conclusion, Jordan looked over to find Leah already half changed, her sleep shorts on and her dress pulled over one shoulder. Jordan stifled a laugh at the blonde defender’s attempts to wriggle her way out of the dress, which was too narrow at her shoulders. Eventually, Jordan took pity on her, and put a hand gently on Leah’s shoulder to not startle her as she came up behind her to unzip the dress.

Jordan tried not to be affected by the expanse of Leah’s toned back that was revealed as the blonde eventually managed to slide the dress off. _It was nothing she hadn’t seen before in the dressing rooms_ , Jordan tried to tell herself as she quickly stepped back and looked away again. But she was lying, of course. It was Leah. Leah, who always made her heart race with just a touch or a glance. Leah, who she had been in love with since the blonde had first laughed at one of Jordan’s lame jokes. Leah, who would always mean something more to Jordan, no matter what she did.

Soon enough, the sound of sheets rustling signalled Jordan that Leah had settled into bed. Jordan walked over to tuck her in.

“Jord,” Leah mumbled.

“Yeah, Lee?”

“Don’t pull that stupid shit with Daan again.”

“Trust me, Lee, I’ve learned my lesson. I won’t be getting cozy with Daan again anytime soon.”

“With anyone.”

Jordan looked down to find Leah’s face in a sleepy pout. Her normally steel blue eyes were glistening, tinged with red, and unfocused as she tried to watch Jordan moving around. Jordan sighed, tired enough to allow the next words out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“I promise you, Lee, you’re the only one for me.”

Apparently satisfied with this answer, Leah nodded and closed her eyes, falling almost instantly asleep. Without thinking, Jordan quietly pressed her lips to the blonde’s forehead, before turning off the light as she left, stubbornly rubbing out the tears that had sprung in her eyes. _She won’t even remember this in the morning_. After all, Jordan was the expert in forgetting things.

x

The next morning, Jordan’s prediction seemed to have come true. Leah gave no indication that she remembered how she made it back to her room, instead grousing loudly about her hangover as she tucked into her breakfast. Jordan wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Most of the team seemed to be in a similar position to Leah, clutching at their heads as they ate quietly. Next to her, Viv seemed especially grumpy, which was saying something for the striker who was notoriously not a morning person.

“Rough night?” joked Jordan.

Viv just grunted. “It’s not what you are thinking, Nobbs. I was kicked out of my room last night. And Lisa’s bed is very small.”

“Ha, it happens. Who’s your roommate?” _At least someone got lucky last night._

“DVD.”

Jordan choked on her coffee. Had Daan really taken someone else to bed after her fight with Beth?

“Wait, what? Daan- But Beth-”

As if on cue, at that moment the two in question shuffled their way into the dining room, Daan sleepily rubbing her eyes behind Beth. Jordan leapt up, rushing over immediately.

“Beth, hey- About last night, I am so sorry-” she began, before Beth cut her off with a laugh. “All good, Nobbsy. I mean, I did want to kill you for a bit there, but the team needs you too much. Just promise you won’t listen to her crazy ideas again,” Beth jabbed a finger back towards Daan, who was wearing a self-satisfied smirk.

Up close, Jordan could see a hickey blooming on the side of Beth’s neck, and it all finally clicked. _Oh_.

“ _Never_ again, I swear. I’m really happy you two finally worked it out, then. About time!”

“Thanks, mate. You’re next!” Beth clapped Jordan on the shoulder as she and Daan walked past her to the buffet. “Ooh, turkey sausage!”

Jordan was so relieved that Beth’s words didn’t catch up to her until she had sat down again. _“You’re next”_? Jordan shook it off, heading back to her seat. She couldn’t stop her lips from quirking at Leah’s pitiful slump over her breakfast, and when the blonde lifted her head up for a second to meet Jordan’s with a dramatic frown, Jordan’s own smile grew instantly. _I can be happy with this_ , she told herself, and for once it didn’t feel like so much of a lie.

Soon, as the team got back into their normal training routine, the night at the gala was quickly forgotten. With the Champions League soon approaching, it was business as usual at the club, although with a bit more banter and teasing for the finally-official Beth and Daan. Everything was fine.

//

Everything was not fine.

Leah loved Daan. Really, she did. The Dutch woman had been a great teammate for years, and Leah loved the energy she brought to the team, on and off the field. And she loved how happy she made Beth, a couple that Leah had been waiting to happen for forever. The team was going into preparation for the Champions League, a fact that sent a thrill shooting through Leah every time she thought of it. By all accounts, everything should have been fine.

But it wasn’t, because every time she saw Daan next to Jordan she remembered the gala.

_“What’s the matter, Meado? You’re looking rather glum,” Lisa said, arriving at the table with a tray full of new drinks. “Got something that should cheer you right up- oh, here we go again,” she laughed as Viv’s name was read aloud for yet another award. Halfway back to the table, the team could see Viv visibly sigh as she turned around to go back onstage, already holding two awards._

_“I’d better go take those off her hands before she drops them,” Lisa shook her head fondly before she turned to follow her girlfriend._

_Beth picked up a shot from the tray and looked at Leah, who dutifully followed suit to toss it back in sync with her teammate. Without saying a word, they both looked back over to the bar, where Jordan and Daan still had their heads tucked close together, whispering intently to each other as they had been all night. Leah felt her stomach drop miserably at the sight, and from the look on Beth’s face, she was feeling the same way._

_Funny, Leah had always thought Beth and Daan were happy together, if not yet officially a couple. But it seemed like she wasn’t the only one trying to numb her senses tonight._

_“Come on, Meado. I bet we can finish these before Viv and Lisa get back.”_

_Beth smiled weakly at her._

_“You’re on.”_

That was the last definite thing Leah remembered from the gala — that, and the image of Jordan and Daan together, so close they might as well have been melding together. It was that image that was burned into Leah’s mind, every time Daan laughed at something Jordan did, or Jordan threw her arms around Daan’s shoulders, or the two of them were partnered for a drill (a pairing Beth had dubbed the “Tiny Terrors”).

If Leah thought hard about it, she did remember other flashes from the rest of that night — seeing Beth storm away, the feeling of a steadying arm by her side while stumbling through the grand hall, the heavy drowsiness that had almost overpowered her in the elevator. And, of course, the torturously vivid feeling of Jordan gently kissing her forehead and the immense relief she had felt in that moment.

 _It must have been a dream_ , Leah had realized the next morning when she awoke to an empty bed and Katie brushing her teeth in the bathroom. She tried to ignore the sudden desire to cry.

The next few days were a bit easier. Leah couldn’t have been happier for Beth and Daan. And really, she knew it was stupid to be jealous. Jordan had clearly laid out her role in the scheme one night over dinner, casually bringing it up to tell her side of the story to Leah, who hadn’t asked for an explanation, but was beyond grateful that Jordan gave one anyway. Jordan also quietly mentioned that if she could do it all again, she never would have agreed to it.

She didn’t bring up anything after Beth storming out, though, and Leah, in her initial relief, didn’t think to press. Now she wished she had asked Jordan to elaborate just a little bit more. It was stupid, she knew. Daan was completely happy with Beth — anyone could see that from the way the two of them looked at each other, the way Daan always shook her head fondly whenever Beth made a silly joke or how Beth would shamelessly cheer on her girlfriend when she was showing off her skills in practice — like nutmegging Leah. Okay, so she didn’t love that part as much.

Jordan had obviously forgotten about it already, too. She was affectionate as always, the naturally touchy woman always finding a way to be near Leah somehow, from standing next to her in team huddles to placing a gentle hand on her knee on bus rides to — Leah’s personal favorite — pressed up against her on the couch as the two watched a Disney movie in one of their apartments.

Everything should have been fine, or as close to fine as it had ever been. Leah didn’t know at this point whether she and Jordan would ever stop dancing around whatever they were. If she was being honest, a part of her was terrified of saying something only to find out it had all been in her head.

But she couldn’t fucking stop thinking about that image of Daan and Jordan together at the bar.

x

“Keira,” she groaned. “I’m bloody screwed.”

They were out for dinner in London, and the two of them had barely sat down before Leah was catching Keira up about her situation.

“Let me see if I understand,” Keira said slowly. “You and Jordan have had this weird…” she waved her hand around “ _thing_ — which is already its own whole situation to unpack, but I won’t go into that now — for ages. I swear, you two are practically already married. And then DVD gets the brilliant idea of paying Jord to make Beth jealous. And somehow no one predicted the actual result of both you and Beth getting hurt and drinking your weight in cheap vodka.”

“It wasn’t cheap,” Leah mumbled. “That was high class stuff they were giving out.”

“Right. Anyway, DVD still ends up shagging Beth’s brains out, and Jord… walks you back to your room, tucks you in bed, and gives you a kiss goodnight?”

After Leah pointedly refused to meet her eye, suddenly extremely interested in her napkin, Keira went on. “So before the gala, your only problem was that you’re in love with her. Now, in addition to that, every time you see Jord within two meters of DVD, your mind starts showing you pictures of them making out. Have I got this right?”

“Full marks,” Leah grumbled. “Well, what should I do then?”

Despite her cheeky grin, Leah knew that Keira tended to give good advice. After all, few people knew her as well as her long-time England teammate, who was familiar with many of her Arsenal teammates as well. To her credit, Keira was keeping her usual teasing to a minimum, which assured her that she was taking it seriously.

“The way I see it,” she said, “Your options are literally still the same: tell her, or don’t. The only thing that’s changed now is that you’ve gotten a proper scare and realized Jordan might not wait for you forever. Her and Daan’s never going to happen, you and I both know that. But if you keep dragging on this unspoken thing, someone else really might come along someday, and you won’t be able to say anything about it because you had your chance and didn’t take it. Are you really going to be okay with that?”

Leah’s silence was enough of a reply. Not that Keira really needed one — they both already knew the answer.

“Look, Lee,” she said, with a softer voice. “I know you’re scared of losing her. But if you don’t say anything, you might end up losing her anyway. Take it from a-” she flipped her hair dramatically, “senior England midfielder who’s also dating the ‘best right back in the world,’ love. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Now, let’s order — I’m bloody starving!”

//

The thing was, Jordan _would_ have waited forever. Or at least, she sure wasn’t going to move on. But although she didn’t know how much longer she could take the waiting, Jordan could not find the right way to make a move, either. She had tried thinking of everything: a grand romantic gesture, like dinner with rose petals, or something more personal and intimate, like a quiet confession after a movie night, but nothing seemed quite right to fit them — to fit Leah. Every time she tried to muster up the courage to say something, a teammate always interrupted or there was an agent calling or _something_ to disrupt the moment and then it was gone, forever. Jordan hated feeling so hesitant, but Leah was the most important thing in her life, along with football and family. She couldn’t mess this up.

Jordan was never the best with words. But she had read online that just getting the thoughts out on paper was a good place to start. And then maybe she would actually give the letter to Leah, although with her current track record she doubted she’d find the nerve. She hunched over her kitchen counter, trying for what seemed like the millionth time to find the words to say.

 _Dear Leah_...

After what felt like an hour, but was probably more like ten minutes, Jordan put down her pen for the first time since starting and sighed. Rereading it now, the letter seemed so simple and childish. She crumpled up the paper and was about to throw it away when she realized she hadn’t bought a rubbish bin for her new apartment yet. Jordan batted the balled-up paper to the side of her countertop, resolving to throw it away as soon as she had the chance. Then, realizing the time, Jordan quickly got up to get ready for the day’s training session, not noticing how easily the letter blended in with all the other papers and various other small objects on her countertop.

//

“Jordan, I swear, if you go crazy on the seasoning on this chicken again, I’ll be furious. Just keep it simple!” Leah eyed the stovetop where Jordan was cooking with a healthy dose of suspicion.

“Your idea of ‘simple’ is a pinch of salt per chicken breast, Lee, so don’t give me that. I actually enjoy having flavor, you know. Now stop distracting me, I need to concentrate.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leah waved dismissively, not that Jordan could see it. “Get on with it, then.” She poked around absentmindedly at the various detritus on the countertop. _Seriously Jord, you’ve literally just moved in here a month ago and it’s already a mess!_ Setting her phone down, she quietly started shuffling the papers into piles, sorting them by how important they seemed. It struck her how quietly domestic this moment seemed, and how easily they had slipped into it. It felt normal. It felt right. Keira’s words burned in her mind: _I swear, you two are practically already married_.

Leah shook the words out of her head. She _would_ talk to Jordan, she had already decided after her talk with Keira. She just needed to find the right time. She picked up the next closest item, a crumpled ball of paper. _Maybe Jordan had trying to juggle this. Wouldn't be a surprise_. Leah unfolded it carefully, half-expecting it to just be a blank piece of paper she could add to the “rubbish” pile. But she froze when she saw her own name in Jordan's handwriting.

_Dear Leah,_

_You know I’m rubbish with words, but I’m trying this out anyway because I’d probably mess this all up horribly if I tried to say it all in person. I can’t believe I’m actually writing this out on paper, like a schoolkid, when I could just shoot you a text. But handwritten letters seem like the type of old-school romance you like, even though I’m afraid I’m no good at that fancy stuff. You know me, I wear my heart on my sleeve (otherwise I’d probably forget it). I don’t have any special words to say, but I’ll just do my best, because you deserve it._

_Leah, I love being with you. I love doing our post-game stretches with you, and yoga on the balcony with the Lionesses on Zoom. I love when you laugh at my jokes, even when I don’t mean to make them. I love talking with your mum about how much of a Gooner you were even as a kid. I love getting dinner together and laughing at your totally bland orders. My day is pretty much worthless if I don’t see you at least once, even if you’re taking the mick out of me again. You’ve always been there for me, through championships and injuries. I think I’ve known this for a while now, even though for a long time it scared me because I’ve never felt this way about someone before. But you make everything seem okay. Leah, I love you. I think I probably will forever. Holding it in has been driving me mad — I just had to tell you._

_Yours, Jordan x_

Time seemed to stop. Leah couldn’t tear her eyes off the page, reading and rereading every line like they would disappear if she looked away. She couldn’t believe this was real. Jordan’s words thundered in her head: _Leah, I love you_.

“Lee? Would you mind getting the plates out?” Jordan’s voice seemed far off, distant. _I love you I love you I love you I love you I_ -

“Leah!” Jordan was looking at her amusedly, waving the grilled chicken with a pair of tongs. Upon seeing the shock on Leah’s face though, her smile turned into a concerned frown. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Wordlessly, Leah held up the letter. It took Jordan a second to recognize the paper, but it was obvious once she did as her eyes widened and she dropped the chicken abruptly back on the skillet, the confusion in her face melting into panic.

“I- Lee- You were never meant to read that, I was just writing down my feelings-”

“Did you mean it?” Leah’s voice, to her surprise, didn't waver.

“I-” Jordan's mouth was moving, but no sound came out. Leah had never seen the older player so terrified, but she pushed on.

“I need to know, Jordan. Did you mean what you wrote?”

Jordan swallowed before meeting her eyes with a quiet resolve.

“Every word.”

“God, Jordan.” Leah walked around the counter, crossing the distance between them in a few short strides and grabbing the shorter woman by the shirt. “You should’ve just given me the letter,” she muttered, before pulling Jordan into a searing kiss.

//

Later that night, over a dinner of salad and slightly-overcooked chicken, Jordan spoke up.

“So does this mean I can hug DVD again without you glaring daggers at me?”

“Ha ha. Sure, as long you can do it without having your lips on her neck.”

“Well I can’t help it, really. Her hair just smells so nice sometimes- ah! Hey! No throwing food, Leah!”

**Author's Note:**

> leah: throwing back shots like her life depends on it
> 
> jordan: yeah she doesn’t seem bothered at all :(
> 
> oh these dummies. my fics rlly all be like: pining-conflict-discussion w an outside friend-accidental reveal-dramatic kiss, hell of a formula but you'd think a bitch would know how 2 spice things up. lmk what you guys want to see, although i'm thinking of taking a break for a while. at least from leah/jord. we'll see


End file.
